Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
