we have officially lost it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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