wrigley field is MILF paradise
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
