your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
