if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
