3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I enjoy the company of your penis
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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