Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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