I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
