mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
