Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
