matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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