last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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