meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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