Christians are straight up FREAKS
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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