Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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