So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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