noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
