Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
