How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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