My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
