Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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