Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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