I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
