So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
