then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
