Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
