ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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