You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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