they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
