i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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