He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
