Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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