hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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