im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
FUCK WHALES
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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