Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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