the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
