just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
