Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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