Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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