A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
