so explain again why im purple
no
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
