I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
