he was CRYING into my vagina
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
