don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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