I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
