It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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