My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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