2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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