btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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