Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
