I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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