I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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